I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
