It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize