I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
