i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
