and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
