I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
