when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
