Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
