god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
