Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
