Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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