I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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