I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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