after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
