I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
