I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize