I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
