I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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