I'm so fucking centered right now
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
