Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize