she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
