Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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