and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
