there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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