Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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