she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
