omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
