and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
