That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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