Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
