I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
