There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
