is your mom at the bar?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize