My sheets look like a crime scene.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize