Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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