Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
