Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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