He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
