Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
