he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
