Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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