ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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