We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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