Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize