bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
