When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
