Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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