I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
