our cab driver is having phone sex.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So much rum. So many feels.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
