Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
