drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize