Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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