i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
