no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Randomize
