I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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