I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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