I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
