i just wanna soil my oats bro
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
