He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
