the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
