I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
