Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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