what day is it and did you see me today?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
